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a line prom dress

This post on my Fight Bladder group is so sad cos this could be Me, but thankfully here in the UK we don't have to worry about insurance .............Someone said something about how I should be able to do more and hurt my feelings. So I am putting my thoughts here 1st to see if others agree. Bladder cancer changes a person, both inside and out. It is physical and mental. 1st is the sickness that usually leads to seeking why. Then the shock of Cancer, and then desiding which path to go. So much conflict between natural and medical and they don't work together. Insurance does not cover the test very often so there is no real measure of getting better or worse. Then if you want a second opinion, which you do when they say yeah we are taking everything out, bladder, vaginal wall, uterus if you still have it, takes about month to get an appointment and often the insurance says out of network. So you try all the teas, cbd, special diets, and wonder what you did to cause this. Was it because I was fat, not active enough, did not eat the right foods? What is this going to do to my family? What kind of support will I get? Well because I refused chemo, I did not get any support, no groups, or others to talk with even though I said I would like it. As for my experience I was so sick and weak from hemorrhaging and caught pneumonia I needed to get blood transfusions and decided to just go right for surgery as soon as I was strong enough. So it is at least a 10 hour surgery, you are cut at least from crotch to navel. So recovery in the hospital for me lots of vomiting, which really hurts your surgery stomach. Trying to poo. Trying to walk while carting around iv stand and all your stint and foley bags. You do it because you want to go home. For me I had all kinds of veins collapsing and tons of bruises. Then the ride home which was about 2 hrs for me. Every turn and bump hurts. At home you do the best you can to get around but it is hard. You feel like a science experiment with all the tubes haning. You need to clean them and flush your foley which for me hurt, I had a lot of mucus back ups. Nor only does you entire abdomen hurt, often you have to have many lymph nodes and sometimes even nerves removed which cause pain, numbness, and difficulty in moving certain areas such as for my right leg. Then you look at yourself with all the scars and wonder how your spouse can still love you. Then the bags are all removed, and you find out that you have no control at all and pee yourself all day and night long. Now that is sexy right. So you start to wonder, did I make the wrong choice? You get mad that you can't even wipe yourself without peeing on your hands, even though you just sat on the toilet doing all the wiggles and movements suggested for at least half an hour. I cried alot in the beginning. I am not the same as I was. Things are much harder to do. I get regular bladder infections, accompanied with fever and cold sweats. To pass gas is a huge challenge and my body hurts all the time because of all the gas I can't pass. I tend to not be able to have a bm for 3 to 4 days, followed with such bad cramps I can't even stand up straight. Then when it finally comes it hurts, it makes my legs shake and I end up on the toilet several times that day ending in diharea. Financial issues start to consume you, especially since I had my RC surgery in December, so I now get to pay out of pocket until I hit my large deductible again for all office visits and physical therapy. So I try to smile, get out of bed and clean myself even though I know I will just be peeing myself all day. I try to get out of the house and walk 1 to 2 miles everyday by myself. Some days I shake so bad my husband calls me Catherine Hepburn. My exausted body makes it hard for me talk normal so I sound special needs. Loosing so many organs, and not being sure you will ever be able to have sex again makes you wonder when will enough be enough for my spouse. How can he ever love me I look so aweful and I can't control my pee. I am sure I look real cute in my diaper. Plus the expense of them, and the fact that the garbage is always full of them. I am not even sure if my house smells like pee. I hope people can see the emotional drain of all of this and the wonder of when and where it will pop up again, or if it is even really gone, do you do chemo on the chance it isn't and go through all those side effects or just roll the dice. As I said everything is hard so I want a nap after a bm, or a shower and dressing. I also developed a sore on my bottom that hurts and bleeds periodically, probably because of the diapers. So when some people say you should be able to go to work, or you should be doing more I would just like to say, you are not in my shoes, I really am doing everything I can so please give me some grace. a line prom dress